Chapter 9

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt"  

Matthew 14:31 NIV. 

David

Being late for a first date, or any date for that matter, is probably at the top of the list of things not to do. That’s what it said when I googled dating etiquette, ahead of that fateful Saturday afternoon meeting. I was twenty five minutes late, because the lift I had arranged was delayed and I was completely flustered by the time I eventually made it. Google is probably right about this, most of the time, but thankfully there was grace enough for me on that day. 

The question that lingers most pressingly though, is why I felt the need to do research at all? I had heard from God clearly and I had confidence in the steps I was taking. Why then would I allow insecurity to influence my preparations? 

The answer seems simple now. But at the time, neither she nor I had anticipated just how often we would falter under the doubts and fears, born of mind and flesh. This reality was strikingly displayed on the Monday morning following our first date. 

I’d been walking on air all weekend and felt giddy as I waited for her to arrive. We had chatted briefly on the phone on Sunday and I couldn’t wait to see her. 

When her car pulled up in the parking lot, I cheerfully trotted out to greet her. Perhaps it was lack of judgement or simple over enthusiasm, but without thinking, I leaned forward intending to kiss her cheek in greeting.

What followed was one of those incredibly awkward moments that left me slightly off balance, kissing air, as she leaned away, stiff as a board. The euphoria I’d been soaking up all weekend dropped right out of me and dreaded apprehension filled the void almost instantly. 

The training session was grinding, and the stilted conversation was nothing like the easy free flow from two days ago. Thoughts flashed through my mind and doubt crept in like the thief that it is. 

Perhaps she had changed her mind, or decided I was not a suitable partner after all. I suppose I didn’t have much to offer just yet, I didn’t even have a drivers license…. On paper, I knew I fell well short of what most women were looking for. Maybe she wasn’t up to the fallout that we would no doubt face… Loud voices fed my every insecurity and I was almost certain that it was over before it had even begun.

When the session was done, we walked out together in silence. The morning rush had quieted down and there were only a few people in the gym. She sat down on the steps and I sighed as I took a seat beside her, ready for the inevitable “I’m sorry but…” that would surely come next. What she said was definitely not what I had expected.

“I have no idea how to do this.”    

The walls came down and she poured out all the emotions and thoughts that had built up so quickly. The pace of everything and the unexpectedness of it all had overwhelmed her completely. She had never been in a significant romantic relationship before and her own insecurities had risen to the surface with blinding speed. It was all too fast, too big, too overwhelming and too much to process. Her body and mind were racing to catch up with what her heart had already accepted. 

I smiled in relief, as the realization dawned on me. It had nothing to do with me or my worth. This was about her. The awkward scenario from earlier now made perfect sense. The simple act of stealing a kiss was unfamiliar territory to her and evoked anxieties that were best approached with gentleness. 

We talked about many things on those steps that day. I was surprised how quickly my faith and confidence in God’s truth was drowned out by the conflicting doubts and fears I had stirred up in my own mind. So often do we venture down that path and never does it lead us to peace. 

Grace fell gently on us as we shared our hearts with each other. No more assumptions, only simple truths and little steps taken one at a time.

As she stood up and headed for her car, she paused and turned to say one last thing. Of all the things that were said that day, this remains closest to my heart.

“David, God can turn worldly shortcomings into strengths in the blink of an eye, but what good is a man that has everything to offer, whose heart is far from Him?”

And just like that, her spirit filled words silenced every lie that would seek to call me unworthy of any good thing. I sat on the steps long after she had gone. I prayed for wisdom, patience and temperance as we built the bridge that would bring us together. Knowing where we were headed didn’t make the journey unimportant and we had a long road of exploration and discovery ahead of us. This girl had never been romanced and I was more than up to the task. Our story was just beginning and God would show us the way in spirit and truth. 

*Video on the web version, link below*