Chapter 16

 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.   Jeremiah29:11 

Deidre 

A gentle jab beneath the ribs interrupts my chain of thought and I pause my pen as my hand instinctively glides over my swollen belly. She had been particularly busy today and I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face for the extra kick she offered at the sound of my voice. With our due date quickly approaching, I had so many thoughts flashing through my mind and I wanted to still the noise for a moment and put my heart down on paper. I wanted to write her a letter as I sat there on my bed, enjoying the feeling of her twists and twirls in time with love's drumbeat. The melody of my heart's song, that she knew so well, matching hers note for note.  

I wanted to tell her how loved she already was and how much we looked forward to meeting her. I wanted her to know that I had big dreams for her and that I was so nervous about being the best mom possible. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for all the times I would inevitably mess-up, and pray that none of it would stick to her heart. I wanted to encourage her to live with passion, pursue joy and above all else, assure her of her worth before the throne of grace. 

There are a few moments in life when everything changes and your perspective alters radically in the span of a minute. Starring down at that little blue plus sign on the positive pregnancy test in my hand, was just such a moment for me. It wasn’t gradual at all, it was a bold and all consuming, sudden awareness that there was life growing inside my body and that this baby was already known and loved by Majesty. 

The first few weeks after our wedding had been a beautiful whirlwind of romance, honeymoon fun and playing house. We basked in newlywed bliss and floated through the days in our own little bubble. We had agreed that we were open to starting a family, whenever God willed it, but I was stunned at how quickly it had happened.  

I spent a long time on our bedroom floor holding that test. Staring at the plus sign through hazy, tear-filled eyes of awe and gratitude. I prayed for wisdom, grace and peace over the pregnancy and that we would see the heart of God even more amazingly displayed than we already had, as we made our way into this new chapter. 

That evening, I laid out a romantic lounge picnic, serving an array of not so subtle baby carrots, corn, marrows and little chicken strips. Half way through the meal however, I realized that David was completely oblivious to the hints I was dropping and chatted nonstop about the menial ups and downs of the day. As dinner wound down, I could not contain my excitement anymore. I pulled out the little gift box I had prepared and laid it in his lap. A tiny superman onesie with the wrapped positive test on top. 

I will never forget the look on his face when realization finally dawned.  I knew beyond doubt that being called ‘Dad,’ would forever be his greatest pleasure and although we surely would not agree on absolutely every bit of parenting strategy, we would make a formidable team. 

Wading through all the real life, not so glamorous, early months of pregnancy and all the milestones along the way, saw us learn a lot about each other. It wasn’t always pretty, but there was always grace enough for love to cover our multitude of shortcomings and keep us rooted to the source of  all truth. 

One evening, during my first trimester, I had a very vivid dream. I saw myself, fully pregnant, standing in front of a mirror. In the reflection I could see the most beautiful name written on my belly in swirling golden script. I had never heard or seen the name before, but I knew instantly that it was destined. Councilor, protector…How appropriate, a name that testified so beautifully to the heart of the Holy Spirit’s love and influence in our lives. 

Finishing off my final thoughts, I found my hand automatically flowing across the page to end the letter with this promise: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jeremiah29:11)

I smiled as I wrote the two words that have already brought us so much joy on the sealed envelope and placed it inside the binding of my bible cover.

       

Raylan Grace

One day, when the time was right, I would give her this letter and hope to see it bless her heart as she had blessed ours.